Both my younger brothers died with beautiful dreams inside.
Very close to the day they died I was discussing with them about how to take some next steps.

But for the most part they ran out of time.

Usually that’s a cliche.
“Don’t die with your dreams inside”

A buzzword phrase we throw around. 

But sometimes it actually happens.

I woke up a couple days ago and saw the news that Johnny Geaudreau and his brother Matthew had passed away. 

Both died riding their bikes when hit by a drunk driver.

Having lost 2 brothers myself, it really put me in a difficult headspace for the day.

Not super negative. 
Bringing back some pain and tears, but mostly a reminder of the fact life can end in an instant.

Do You Have Time?

I look up to Garyvee as a creator and he often says you have tons of time.
No matter how old you are, you’re never too old to take on a new project. 

Now it’s possible we have a ton of time.
But, it’s equally possible our last day could be today.

Another hero of mine, Jesse Itzler used to write the most likely amount of days he has left on his wrist.
Of course he doesn’t know the exact day, but he uses the average and everyday it counts down by one.

Fear Of Death

I’ve always been very aware of this number.

When I was a kid, I had a big fear of death. 

I was scared of dying and illness.

For about twenty years I was really healed of that (in recovery if you will). 

But having kids brought back a lot of those feelings.
Both not wanting them to get sick or die. And also wanting to be there to see all the milestones in their lives. 

I’ve been around death a lot in my life.

I lived in a funeral home when I was a kid.

Which is something I could talk about in a future episode if you’d like.

But they say that emotions make us remember.
Well I really remember a lot about the times I had to deal with death in my personal life.
There are too many to share, so I’ll stay on task here with the point that we don’t know when our time will come.

Time Waits For No One

I really looked up to my uncle Jay.  I can’t imagine how many more memories we could have made.
But he passed away. When I was 12.

His three kids were toddlers at the time. 

Fast forward a few years and I was 16 years old when one of my greatest mentors and coaches died.
His wife was pregnant with twins. 

My own brother never got to see his baby either.
Just a few years ago in 2020 he lost his life in a car accident while his partner was pregnant.

So grief is a pretty damn consistent topic in my life.

Not something I’m happy about. But something I’ve learned can give us energy to use.

Most people who talk about death think it’s all doom and gloom.

(Unless of course you’re my friend Maura who founded “Hello Mortal” and “Death Archetypes” to help people discuss the topic more openly) 

Never Worry

No doubt there is a very dark, dangerous road we could go down when we lose a loved one.

But there’s also a very powerful beautiful road we can take too. 

There are two big things that have helped me that I hope will help you too.

One, understanding that worrying creates literally 0 zero value.

It’s like manifesting and praying for things that you don’t want to happen.

Don’t ever worry that you’ll get sick, or that your kid will die.
But that’s easier said than done, so what do we do about it?

Don’t Think About It

There’s a great golf tip for athletes who struggle with thinking of all the bad things that could happen. 

And it goes like this. 

Sometimes golfers have trouble keeping the ball in play.
It’s almost like the hazards have a magnetic pull on the ball.

When people have trouble not thinking of a forest, or not thinking of water, or sand, that’s exactly what they think about.
And oftentimes that’s exactly where they hit the ball.

It’s simple. When you think of the hazards, that’s where you hit it.

So you’d think, easy, just don’t think of them.

But it’s not that simple!
Let’s do an exercise to demonstrate.

DO NOT PICTURE A CRAZY MONKEY.

 If someone says don’t picture a crazy monkey, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? 

For most people it’s a crazy monkey. 

Now if you didn’t think of a monkey, you’d probably make a great golfer.

Most of us can’t say “don’t think” of something.

Instead we need to purposefully replace it with something beneficial, or at least neutral.

In golf, maybe the vision of how your ball is going to fly.
Or it could be a line from a song that you like.

In life, we need to give ourselves similar distractions.

Not the type of distraction where we numb ourselves with food, entertainment, or drugs.
But the type that allow us to live our best life.

Care, But Don’t Worry

It’s OK to care about our health.

It’s okay to care about our business.

It’s okay to care about our kids. 

But it’s not okay to worry about these things. 

Worry adds no value at all.

We need to focus on what we CAN control.
To care, not worry. 

I’ll share a personal story to explain the difference.
I’ve had a lot of heart disease in my family, I’ve also been a bit hard on my heart over the years, so I’m kinda scared of having a heart attack.

So, I’m trying to get better at reducing the likelihood of that happening to me. 

Do What You CAN

So I try my best to do things that help. 

Have a big purpose (for me I want to be able to see my kids grow up, be a grandfather)
And then day to day I try to eat whole foods, drink lots of water, exercise, sleep and steer clear of toxic information, or relationships.

Those are all things that I have control over. 

You want to become indifferent.
Not indifferent to the fact that you’ll die someday.

We don’t get a say in how it plays out. 

But we can become indifferent to all of the worries.

More indifferent to the things you can’t control.

So I don’t worry about dropping dead right now.
(Or I should say I try not to worry about it. Of course fear creeps in because this is one of my struggles, mental health is an infinite game.)
But I try my best to put all of my attention, aka to distract myself with what I can control. 

To be picky about my priorities.

You Will Live On Forever

The second thing that helps me on this topic of death is appreciating we do leave legacy.

Whether we like it or not.
We all do.

I think a lot of people hear legacy and connect it to some big celebrity like Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Chris Farley, or like Einstein. 

But your everyday average Joe, or Karen hardly anyone knows leaves legacy too. 

You may be someone only one other person knows. But they’ll think about you long after you’re gone.

They will still make connections and learn from things that you said, or the things you did will prompt moments in their life.

Every one of us leaves a legacy.

I used to struggle when I would think existentially because I’d think, what’s the point in trying to build a big business?
What’s the point in trying to write a book, and it sounds crazy and depressing to think about, but what’s the point in having kids?  What’s the point in living at all?

That clearly wasn’t the right way to think. But I know it’s common for some reason.
Part of that was really overthinking about what it takes to put a dent in this world. What it takes to have impact. 

I know now that it’s worth it to try things. To put things out into the world and that heaven forbid, if I do pass away tomorrow, even this one episode might change someone’s life. 

Where these two things tie together is that you’ll leave a legacy no matter what you do.

But this is something that you can control a little bit.
You get to choose what you create that will be left behind.
So whatever that thing is that you want to do someday.
I really think if there’s any way that you can put a version of it out into the world you should.
Oh, and be sure to share it with me, I want to celebrate what you create.

CONNECT WITH JUSTIN:

Instagram @Justkeeplearning.ca
YouTube – @justkeeplearningpodcast
X – @JustinNolan_JKL
TikTok – @justkeeplearning.ca
Pinterest – justkeeplearningca
Facebook – justkeeplearning
LinkedIn – justinnolan-justkeeplearning